WITH THESE BOOTS, I THEE TREAD....

These past few months, on my own, I am coming to into my own person, again. 

There is a saying, that life is what YOU choose to make it. So, whether I'm on a backpacking and portaging trip in Killarney, climbing Silver Peaks, opening a yoga studio in my home, organizing wilderness women's retreats or hiking in the Rocky Mountains, I know that YOU alone choose how to live your life. 

For the most part, I'm been really lucky to enjoy my life, my way. I have to thank my wonderful friends (you know who you are) and my supportive family - that said, I have always felt that there was always a missing piece, someone to share all of this life with, but when it comes to relationships, I'm not so lucky.  

As a teenager, all my friends had relationships and I didn't. I remember asking my Dad, why not me?  Whether Dad meant it literally or not, he basically told me, that my intensity, spirit, sense of adventure, vibrant laugh, passion and emotional side were too much - I should tone it down and I would get that relationship I wanted. So, consciously or not, in every relationship, I would surrender to my partners insecurities or I would try to fix them, but deep down I would think that I needed to fix myself. For me, fixing myself meant "toning it down", just like my Dad told me. What would usually happen - little by little, I would feel like I was losing myself, always afraid that if I spoke my truth, I would push him away or he would run away - well, guess what? After a long list of failed relationships, they ran or I did - I am on my own, again. 

Recently, I came across a blog post from Elephant Journal that spoke to me, " I've finally figured out that I wasn't too much - they were not enough. "

So, with these boots, I thee tread!

Allow me to introduce Bruce (aka The Bruce Trail). I may have finally met my "enough". 

You have met Bruce in my other blog posts, but for the past 80 plus kilometres, of the toughest terrain in Ontario, Bruce and I are getting serious. I should probably mention that  Bruce and I have had an on again, off again relationship for more than 30 years now. Sure, we would get together occasionally for a friendly 10km to 20km hike, but never did I make the full commitment -  a full End to End until now. 

894km of Main Trails

Bruce is rugged and strong, full of wonder, intensity, and not for the faint of mind, body or spirit. Needless to say, our relationship was off to a rocky start - have you hiked the Peninsula section?  A dear friend joked, when I told her about my new relationship status, commenting, "that it must be difficult for you to be in a such a  strong and in-charge relationship".  Over the next year, I will be challenged by Bruce, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  

Yes, it's raining again. 

In every relationship, there are ups and downs, highs and lows, good times and bad times, but the biggest challenge for me, has been the rain - are you kidding me? I think Mother Nature might be jealous of the attention I'm paying to Bruce (a typical mother) and she is trying to dampen my resolve or weaken me. Thanks to my osteoarthritis, my feet hurt a lot hiking, hiking on roads is especially challenging and don't even talk to me about the terrain we have experienced--add to that, the rain. When it's raining, your head is down and no one can see you cry. I cry but not just because my feet hurt, but because I hurt, but I think it is making me stronger and testing my commitment to this journey to self. This is my next chapter or as Jane Fonda put it - "Making the most of all of your life". I will be 60 years old when I finish this trek - seriously, that cannot be possible - but it is. 

Many more obstacles to overcome on this journey.

While the Bruce Trail isn't a pilgrimage hike like the Camino in Spain, my Bruce Trail trek already holds the same promise for me. I'm challenging myself, I'm developing stronger friendships with my hiking buddies, I'm learning about the environment I am trekking upon, but most of all, I know Bruce is going to be with me for the whole journey, I can't scare him away with my wild spirit, enthusiasm, passion for adventures, and emotional outbursts. 

Just like the Camino, when I finish the End to End, I will get a certificate of completion and a badge, but they are secondary to what I will really get from this relationship with Bruce, hopefully I'll finally accept that I'm not too much. 

I am who I'm supposed to be!

Just to update for the official record:  

My last weekend in the Peninsula had us hike from Dyer's Bay to Lion's Head. So far, I have trekked 83.3km of the Bruce Peninsula , I'm 1/2 way to Wiarton - the Peninsula Section to be completed before the end of November. Whoot, Whoot!  

You can still donate to my fundraising effort for the Arthritis Society.
https://www.gofundme.com/mybrucetrailtrek?ssid=807712136&pos=1